Recent Posts

Profile photo of Anita Ayela Finding Our Feet…

beach-feet-shutterstock_80497978-300x200 ‘Miss America is an Indian!!’

An unusual joy filled my mind when I learnt that Miss America 2014 is an Indian. When I heard her last name, I felt immense joy that she is from Andhra Pradesh. How does it make a difference to me? Why do I feel so happy about a total stranger just when I know that she is from my community? Isn’t this wrong? Is this what is called racism? I don’t know.

The feeling of alienation, the feeling that we are not getting our due recognition in a country which feeds us but is not our own, is always engraved into our souls. And when one person from our country achieves something in this alien country, the sisterhood feeling springs out. Nothing wrong, I would say. After all who doesn’t like recognition? And who doesn’t like to show off that we (read Indians) too can achieve something?

My childhood was spent in Odisha though I’m a Telugu speaking girl. I couldn’t say with confidence that I’m from Andhra when I was growing up. But since I did my higher studies in Andhra Pradesh and started working there, I have been able to face myself when I said that I’m from Andhra. I have never felt a part of odisha simply because I was not part of it, I just grew up there! If not for my dad’s State Gov job, I’m sure he too wouldn’t have liked to stay there for so many years, away from Andhra. In a bigger spectrum, now living in the US makes me feel that I don’t belong here and crave to be a part of India.

What is it that keeps us ticking in a place that is not our own? It is this very feeling of alienation and the craving to go back to your roots! The constant longing for our state, our country and our community is what keeps us hanging in there. It is natural human psychology that we crave for and long for something only until we get it. Once it becomes ours, we tend to forget its importance. We tend to forget the journey towards the destination, all we feel is relaxed that now we are where we want to be.

When in a new country, we focus more on the culture of our country. We teach our kids the tastes and customs of India and we tend to teach them our language and culture too. What is it that makes us do this? Is it just because we are scared that we will forget our culture or is it because we want to pass on our culture to the next generation? Maybe neither, it is because we love our country and miss being there that we try to create that world here.

It is 12 years now since we moved to the US, but we are still ‘moved’ by everything that is Indian. I have seen so many Indians in the US who are happily settled here, their kids settled here and they are leading a satisfying life as citizens. But then, when something happens in India, they feel for it, they cry their hearts out to be amongst theirour kith and kin in India.

Some may say that they don’t visit India anymore because there is nobody there for them, no parents or siblings, and no extended family. For some of us, once-in-two-years regime of going to India may be for our own pleasure and purpose. But for all of us, our hearts miss a beat when we watch the news of India and the disasters that are happening there. Isn’t this what is called ‘patriotism’ in the true sense of the word? When your heart beats for something, for someone, unconditionally, that is called love, and that is where love is and always will be! In our hearts, for our country, no matter where we are! Jai hind!

Profile photo of Anita Ayela Addiction of the Youth!!

iphone-addiction

(Published in www.bkhush.com as Bow your head and numb your fingers!   )

 

 

 

Recently I heard someone saying that though we have progressed so much, we bow our head even today like slaves-slaves to electronics. And that person was talking about ‘texting’ forever, heads down, eyes staring into the screen as fingers dance in tune!!

All kinds of screens have become the ‘in’ thing now, or as Gen Y kids would say ‘fad’!  All Apple products, all kinds of Tablets, smart phones, Kindle, all have the same effect on kids all over the world. I know that as the generation is growing and the technology is progressing, people from our generation have a need to understand and support the new generation. But easier said than done!

It becomes quite irritating at times, when kids are forever stuck to these screens. Especially when these screens join us at the dining table too, making weird noises of the arrival of SMS! I’m surprised how the fingers of kids have not gone numb by now by the frequency with which they are used to type messages back and forth!

I always wonder what is it that has pulled the kids away from the playgrounds, from the theatres or the books. I wonder when the playgrounds gave way to the laptops, the theatres to the tablets and the books to the Kindles! I believed that getting the reason out of the horse’s mouth would be the best thing and so I talked to some kids of friends and family.

Apeksha, 14 yrs old girl says “We prefer screen time because I think that a lot of the things that we do outside or at a friend’s house, we can now do on iPads, and cell phones, and main source of entertainment is now TV. The TV shows that are on TV now, are so much more real and relatable that, I think, that we kids feel that we don’t need to go outside and experience it we just want to watch it on the screen.”

I’m sure a lot of parents would have encountered this problem in the summer that passed us by-TV! Yes, TV becomes an integral part of vacation, wherever they are, be it home or holidaying in a hotel! They watch and watch and watch; repeats after repeat, making the parents scream in their heads but admonish the teenagers gently! I remember those days when India had just got TVs and the timings of telecast were fixed and so we had time to do other things too. All we had is one channel unlike the numerous ones that are available to our kids now, which obviously allows them to watch more. I don’t actually want to think what we would have done as kids if we had so many channels too. Maybe we too would have…

When I talked to another kid, Ria, 12 years old, she said

I think that kids/teens of today prefer screen time over playing outside because social networking sites such as Facebook, Google+. Twitter, Gmail.. (the list goes on and on.) allows us to talk to friends at any time, on the other hand, if someone was to play outside, your choice of playmates/friends would be limited. Also, social networking makes it easier to communicate and share thoughts and ideas. Websites like these allow kids/teens to say what’s on their mind without over thinking about what others will think of you (it gives them a form of confidence) because you are “talking” to a screen not a person.”

Well, well, kids do surprise me a lot these days. It might seem like a joke but, I have seen kids’ texting to each other in the same house too with just a wall to separate their bedrooms. I, as a parent, fail to understand how communication skills are used these days on these social networking sites and why kids need screens to boost their confidence levels. Human contact and human voices has become a rarity, at least for the majority of kids, or so say a lot of parents.

My daughter said, “Most of our teachers ask us to do our homework online and so we need laptops. No homework done means no grades. We are to type out our assignments and make PowerPoint for projects, how else do we do that if not on the computers? So, laptops and computers are a must for us.”

Now, there goes another teenager at my house, telling me that the laptop screen is a must to get grades. Now, do I have a say in that, if grades are important for us too. My memory of note books for homework, and pens and pencils for writing are slowly slipping out of my system, giving way to my kid’s way of writing and communicating! However much we as parents think of taking away all these ‘screens’ from the kids, it is not possible. It is like sending the kids into the stone-age when it is the requirement of the society to adapt to the changing technology.

We all know from experience how kids want the very thing that we don’t want them to have.Instead of trying to scream at them , snatch their iPhones or pull our own hair with helplessness, it is essential that we learn the importance of these electronics and then explain it to the kids the limitation of their usage.Maybe we need to have an eye on them while they use these electronics usefully, and set a schedule to use these ‘texting’ devices and ‘gaming’ equipment.And last but not the least, tell them the importance of meeting friends in person, taking part in sports or other extra curricular activities outside their bedrooms!!

Well, come to think of it,can we blame the kids enough if we are reading this on a blog or e-magazine, on the laptop or phones, and not in a physical book? What say guys?! 🙂

Profile photo of Anita Ayela Back-to-School

 

After Summer What?!!

(Published in www.bkhush.com)

s-MOM-KID-SCHOOL-large

“Oh no, summer is done, I need to go ‘back to school’ “Sofia says.

“Good, now I can go ‘back to school’” Shan says.

 

Some kids like school and some don’t and so the reactions may vary.But, being a mom, I know what a parent would say after a long two and half months of summer vacation!

“At last, the kids will go ‘back to school’! “A sigh and a big smile would cross their lips.

It might sound like the parents are cruel and don’t want the kids at home, but that is not the case. However much the parents love their kids, the ability and strength to control the kids 24/7 in the house, giving in to their tantrums, heeding to their suggestions and delivering their choices, is sure not an easy thing.

Out of their daily school routine makes the kids demand more time for sleep, play and eat. This disturbs the schedule of the parents and the kids too. Every day starts out late as the kids tend to sleep in, which is usually due to their staying up late along with their parents or siblings. Watching movie with the family or playing family games with the cousins, hypes up the energy level of the kids and they get used to staying up late.

Getting up late in the morning spoils their routine and the schedule of breakfast, and lunch too. The time that they play outside on a summer evening increases due to the long days and hence, the dinner time gets pushed back. Everything changes, the time for their bath, the time in the bath, the picking out of outfits, the fights between siblings, the pillow fights, the endless hair combing to the forever lying in the swimming pools, everything is timeless and endless.

The flip side of the coin is the enthusiasm the kids and the parents have regarding the new class and/or the new school that they would be going into once the school reopens in fall. The new books, the new backpacks, the new lunch boxes, are all an excitement in itself. And shopping for these keeps them on their toes and makes them happy. The advertisements and the back-to-school sales attract the kids and parents alike and hopping from shop to shop for the best deals keeps their time engaged for a while.

When I was a kid, most of my summers were spent in my grandparents’ house that we used to go visiting. All the cousins together used to fight for attention from our grandparents and wished to be their favorite grandkid forever. But when it was play time, we would just forget that it was scorching hot south Indian summer and play outside much to the anxiety of the elders that we would get a heat stroke. Most of our evenings would be spent sitting around our grandfather with snacks in hand, listening to his stories of cases he had dealt with as a judge in court. Or on other days, we would go with our grand mom, mom and our aunts to watch a movie.

But thinking of school again toward the end of the vacation was exciting too. I remember how excited I would get in my childhood, awaiting the re-opening of school. The back-to-school regime consisted of getting to wear new uniforms too back then. In new uniforms, with new backpacks, loaded with new stationery, going back to school was always fun for me. I also waited going back to school to see all my friends again after a long vacation.

Spending time with family is great in summer time, but going ‘back to school’ to a new grade with new things in tow is an achievement in itself. It always makes the kids feel more grown up and responsible, and this shows in their glowing faces and growing statures too!

Profile photo of Anita Ayela Festivities all around!

8149144784_c28eee8649_zDusserra’ was just round the corner, Halloween tricked us by, ‘Diwali’ is at a stone’s throw away and then, ‘Thanksgiving’ would march by. It is always overwhelming to celebrate so many festivals in the US. My kids enjoy all the festivals as much as I did when I was a kid.  Enjoying Thanksgiving and Christmas with friends is a very common sight in the US. Dressing up for Green hog day or for Halloween is part of life now. But, I feel that it is very important for our kids to know the significance of each of our Indian festivals too.
With the overwhelming festive season all around me, I thought that going with the flow would be exciting and so thought of sharing my thoughts about it. Festivals of any country reflect the culture and traditions of the people of that country. Every country has its own share of festivals and festivities. Come to think of it, we celebrate Halloween and we celebrate Diwali for two different reasons, but they are a little similar, the jack-o-lanterns replace the diyas. Isn’t it interesting to know that Halloween is celebrated to wade of the evil spirits in harvest season and we celebrate Diwali because we were rid of Narakasur, an evil demon?!!
Bringing up kids in a non- religious country like the USA is a difficult job, especially when we Indians are from a religious way of life. There is a certainty and clarity about birthdays everywhere. But, when it comes to festivals of India, most of the kids born and brought up in the USA don’t know much about them.  There are families who are religious and perform pujas religiously, but they fail to involve their kids. And there are yet some who don’t believe in rituals and so don’t celebrate any festivals. All they do is go to the temple once in a while and that too when the kids are at their dance class or at play dates.
Actually, there is always a feeling that people become more religious and follow rituals when they are out of their country or rather, in a foreign land. But it is not always true;this holds good only for a certain percentage of people, the ones that you see regularly in the temples. I strongly believe that wherever you are, kids need to know and follow the rituals of the house to some extent. My point is that if there is any festival celebration in the house, the kids should be involved. Let them know that Krishna was born on Janmastami, that Durga killed mahishasura on Durgastami, or why rakhi is celebrated and why Diwali is celebrated.
When we were kids, being brought up in the Orissa instead of Andhra Pradesh didn’t in any way hamper our celebrations of our festivals. Not only our Telugu festivals, but also we knew and celebrated the festivals of Orissa. ‘Sankranthi’, the harvest festival of Andhra was a big celebration for us in my house, as much as Jaganath Ratha Yatra was in the community. A festival called ‘rajjo’ which is celebrated for the girls of the house in Orissa was celebrated by my mom for me. It is said that Lakshmi , or Mother Earth, ‘comes to age’ on this day and so is celebrated by women  for 3 days. Obviously, being a curious girl, I always asked my mom specifically why any particular festival is celebrated. That very curiosity is missing in our kids today and as parents I believe that it is in my hands to arouse that curiosity or keep the knowledge of festivals intact in the kids’ minds.
The eating of sweets for festivals shouldn’t be the only thing in my kids’ minds, they need to know why modak is made on Ganesh puja, why neem and mango chutney is made on ‘Ugadhi’ which is Telugu New Year’s day. For me it is as important for them to know that I make nine varieties of sweetmeats on Sravan month’s Fridays , as they know that Turkey is cooked for Thanksgiving on a Thursday! And you bet, they do!
I remember when my older daughter was in Pre-school, I was volunteering for Easter there. I was surprised when a white lady, one of the kids’ parents asked me why ‘easter’ was celebrated. Thanking all my ‘Moral Science’ classes in school in India, I told her about it and she was as surprised to know about it from me as I was to know that she didn’t know!! I sure don’t want my kids to go back to India and ask people there why ‘Sankranthi’ is celebrated or why we play with colors on ‘Holi’.
My daughters don’t have a brother, but they know the importance of Rakhi and tie one to their cousins. My kids search the moon for me from amongst the Seattle clouds for my ‘Karvachauth’ as much as they search for Halloween costumes in the stores. They love going to the temple for Diwali to play with ‘sparklers’ as much as they love to watch the July 4thfireworks. Isn’t that what it is all about, mould ourselves to the country we are in, though keeping our country’s culture intact?!!

Profile photo of Anita Ayela "Electronically Yours"

360_kuga_gadgets
I sat down one day with all work done and totally bored! I thought of catching up with friends and/or cousins, whoever is good enough to pick up my call! After half an hour of talking to every lady on the ‘voice mail’ of every phone I tried, I gave up! Looks like no human voices are available anymore to talk to, it is all electronics dear!
I see my teenager always playing with her fingers on her touch screen mobile and wonder what is it that she texts away. When the curiosity has killed the cat to a total pulp, I jump at her and ask her one day, “what’s it that you text every minute?” “Well mom, whatever we want to talk, we text.” “And why so?” I ask, not understanding the concept at all. “Oh, it is easier to text than talk and anyways, phones are so outdated mom!” She surprises me a lot these days!
It is very surprising for me to even think that people don’t want to talk with each other anymore. I see even spouses’ text each other sitting in the same room. Oh well, they are in a party and maybe want to share some ‘sweet nothings’, I console myself. But, this might not be the case always. Someday, when you peep into the mobile of the lady next to you in a party texting to her husband, you might be knocked out. “Did you put your clothes in the dryer before coming here?” or “where did you leave the salt container last night after your drink party, I didn’t find it in the morning when cooking?” could throw all your ‘lovable’ assumptions to the wind.
I know of people close to me too who love to write emails rather than talk. They would rather chat with you electronically than speak with you over the phone. Now-a-days, a lot of families, where husband and wife both work, they don’t even have a phone connection at home. They manage with their cell phones or tablets or iPads as all they want is to text with one hand and drive with the other. Or sit in the meeting and text under the table, even if they have to do it with one hand.
I vividly remember when I was a kid, and having telephone in the house was a rarity but we had one at home, and it was so special. I used to call up my friends for some doubts in homework and end up talking about all things irrelevant to our studies. It was fun sharing incidents, joking about school in general and boys in particular. Do kids today share this joy anymore? Wish they did!
It wouldn’t be exaggerating if I said that I have a lot of cousins and friends in this country and I haven’t heard their voice in ages now. I see their pictures on social networks, I get to know about their well being in emails, we wish each other on birthdays and anniversaries electronically. Now, they exist only electronically for me, no more any ‘human’ touch to them.
For me, spoken words are special. . I love to meet people and I love to talk; I love to listen to people talk too. How I wish we would go back to those days when talking over the phone long-distance was an achievement by itself. Now all I hear people saying is that “Phone is a bad way to reach us, try email or texting!” The phone is exclusively for the ‘telemarketers’ now, isn’t that so?
In spite of all this, I still call up my parents, my brothers and my close friends and talk for hours! And of course my husband is always a ‘phone call away’. We still sit and talk to each other and laugh our hearts out when we are together every day! I would love it to be this way for ages to come, so that ‘Electronics’ is some distance away from my family and ‘voices’ are heard always!

Profile photo of Anita Ayela Thanksgiving!

thank-you

It is overwhelming at times when I think of ‘Thanksgiving’ and why it is celebrated in the US. The origin of Thanksgiving is generally seen as a celebration by the Pilgrims of their survival due to a good harvest mostly because of knowledge provided by the Native Americans who knew the lay of the land. But for me, it has always been something different, it was as if everyone was ‘thanking’ for being alive, or rather, for having a life! And, of course, when we talk about ‘Thanksgiving’, reminiscence is not left behind either!

Every Thanksgiving, everyone has to ‘Thank’ themselves for all the memories they have created down the road. In my opinion, memories are the only wealth that makes our lives rich! When we talk to the elderly people they tell you more about their childhood and youth than their life at present. They might lose their teeth, their eye sight, and might forget what they ate that morning, but their memories of days gone by them ages ago are always intact in their mind. Am I growing old too that I am talking of childhood memories?! Maybe I am! Maybe not! Maybe I’m just nostalgic and so I write…

It is not exaggerating to say that I remember the first time I experienced physical pain as if it was yesterday. Clichéd but true! I don’t remember the pain but the source and the situation are clear… my foot got into the front wheel of a bicycle as my dad’s man Friday drove me home from school. I was sitting on the ‘baby’ seat on the front of the bicycle and he was riding it pretty fast. I was carried home after we fell and my mom was in tears when she saw me bleeding! I was in kindergarten then! And I can never ‘Thank’ her enough for always ‘picking me up’ since then, whenever I fell…

It is funny how I taught my kids to ride a bicycle in a couple of hours, while I had taken two weeks to learn it. I was very particular that I learn it myself and my dad encouraged me. Even at an age where I was in the fifth grade, my thoughts were way different than others. I would sit on the carriage seat of the little red bicycle I had and try to balance. It was easier that way as my foot would reach the ground and the chances of my falling down were less. I ultimately learnt to balance, and ‘Thanks’ to my dad, he helped me on to the actual seat and gave me a push! Wee… I rode and rode and rode to school, and back, till my twelfth grade! Need I say that since then, my Dad has always given me that little ‘push’ to achieve anything!

Small things create big memories. What seems important for one would be a trivial thing for another. But, when you are a teenager, every look thrown in your direction makes you blush, everyone who praises you becomes your friend and every pat on the back enthralls you. And when all the three come from the same person, it turns into admiration. It was difficult to think then, whether it was the love for ‘English’ or for the one who taught it, that made me concentrate more in that particular class. Whatever it may have been, ‘Thanks’ to my English teacher in Middle School, I am what I am today, an English teacher!

Living life is one thing and enjoying life is another… ‘Bunking’ classes, ‘giggling’ for nothing, ‘teasing’ boys, ‘naming ‘the lecturers, skipping lunch to have ‘chat’…. I would have deprived myself of these, if I hadn’t stayed in a hostel for higher studies. Fun is a small word when the beaches are part of your landscape from your room, the sound of the waves is your alarm clock, and the smiles of your friends first thing in the morning are your meditation. I should ‘thank’ myself for getting to study in that University, where the hostel rooms faced the beach and the changing colors of the sky and sea were my constant companions.

A little flashback before getting into this University would be appropriate when I ‘thank’ my stars. It was for the entrance exam of this course and University that made me travel all by myself in the train. And lo and behold! I met my future there! Looking back, I strongly feel that fate and coincidences are not story-book fantasies, they happen in real life too. My future in-laws along with my future husband were my co-passengers and since then, they have been so. ‘Thanks’ to my husband who took pains to woo me with his incessant sweet banter, and for walking with me since then through thick and thin. A train led to a train of encounters, ‘colliding’ into love and traversing in the direction of wedlock.

When I look at a lot of couples who crave every day and are desperately waiting to get a ‘boon’ from Above to get to be known as parents, I feel so blessed and ‘thank’ God for it. Going to the edge of ‘no return’ and then, bouncing back and that too with a baby in hand, is amazing. Today, I feel all the pain, every critical situation was worth it, when I look at my beautifully growing kids.

Somewhere along the way, everybody has an ‘influence’ of a ‘Hero’, whom you emulate and follow with admiring looks. For me she was the sole inspiration and the ‘perfect heroine’ to learn from. For her age and generation, my Granny was very forward in thinking. ‘Thanks’ to her, I learnt a lot about life and also, believe it or not, Fashion! Even today, when I think that my being in the US has cost me by not being able to have a last glimpse of her before she walked away into the other world, my heart becomes heavy.

‘Thanking’ people and their role in your life is the real ‘giving’ respect to them. But there would be some moments too, which are to be appreciated in life. I’m sure everyone would have a moment in their life which makes them say, “This is it! “, a moment when you think, if life is taken away from you right then, you are fine! When I stepped onto the deck of the building from the elevator to see the Niagara Falls for the first time, I was awestruck! Staring at the grandeur, all I could think was “Thank God, I’m alive!”

Profile photo of Anita Ayela Growing Kids in the US!

download (1)It is so difficult at times to tell our kids about India’s culture in one breathe, as it is so vast! Being from a conservative country as India, it is all the more difficult to get used to the ways and means of life in the US. I remember when my kid was stepping into the middle school and she had just learnt about ‘FLASH’ in 5th grade. ‘FLASH’ is sex education given to all students with the permission of the parents.

Parents are first asked to watch it themselves and then with the parents’ written permission the kids are shown the videos. Come to think of it, my daughter was just 10 when in 5th and I found it a little odd for her to know about menstruation, growing parts of the body and reproduction. But then, I found it logical that she too should know about it if her whole class is going to learn about it. It is all the more destructive to know such issues from friends instead of the proper source.

I knew that a few of her friends had ‘boyfriends’ in 5th grade itself!!! As I have been living in this country for 12 years now, this didn’t come as a shock to me. But realization dawned on me that I now had the need to tell my angel about the culture and traditions of India. I let her know in strong words that ‘We are Indians’ and ‘We are different from Americans’. Having boyfriends, dating is all taboo in India and such things wouldn’t be tolerated in our house. Though she is sensitive, she is smart too, and hence she understood my stand point.

Before she could question me, I told her that my husband and I dated when both of us had an education and got married after having a job. I’m sure she got my point very well. Having said that, I have trust in her and I have never behaved like a suspicious mom ever. I always feel that kids need to be given that space and they need to learn from the small mistakes that they make. Of course, if the mistakes are big, they would for sure, always have us to support them as parents. But prevention always is better than any kind of cure and so I had to give her a piece of my mind for sure!

A lot of my Indian friends feel that their kids shouldn’t have ‘sex’ education at school at such an early age. Their argument that in India we learn this in 9th or 10th grade is relevant only to India. Our tradition is different, or rather I would use the word ‘was’, as I see a great change in India and its kids today. Here in America, for Americans having boyfriends or girlfriends, dating, bringing them home, all happens pretty early. Teen pregnancies are on the increase. And so the schools find it appropriate for kids to know everything before they step into middle school which is from the 6th grade.

Not that these problems are not prevalent in other countries, India for one, but we turn a blind eye to it. We don’t want to acknowledge the fact that dating and teen pregnancies are getting their foot in India too. Is it because we are scared that out traditions are being tainted? Or is it because we think that by acknowledging it, we are paving a way for our kids to follow? I would not understand this. That way, we have to agree that Americans are more practical thinkers than we even know.

Another important aspect is that the growth of American kids is way more for their age. And so, it is but natural that they know the contours of their body, their hormonal changes early. Minimum menstruation age for the American girls is 11- 12 years. Hormonal changes lead to sexual attraction to the opposite sex. No wonder teen pregnancies are on the high! Not kidding, seriously, they are!

At any given point of time, of course, being the odd kid out in school, depriving them of knowledge which their ‘white’ counterparts know, is not advisable. I would say that in Rome, we need to do what Romans do or at the least know what Romans do, in order to survive with them!

Profile photo of Anita Ayela Broken Relationships

images (3)“A relationship is like a china cup, once broken can be mended, but a crack is always there.”

I read this when I was a teenager, an age when you collect quotes and poems, with a feeling of butterflies in your stomach. I still remember it like yesterday because it didn’t make sense to me then, but it does now.
Broken hearts may be easy to mend, but broken marriages leave a scar on the heart and the soul. A bad marriage of years going array is different and has a lot of reasons. But a new marriage going stale or snapped in the bud, is a heart wrenching thing, with no fault whatsoever of the victim.

Recently one of my friend’s cousin’s two year old marriage was broken. It was sad and shocking because the girl left him for another girl. No offence to anyone, but it was shocking as she behaved perfectly normal with her husband and even lamented many-a-times that she couldn’t conceive. The boy blames her for using him to come out of the ‘closet’ and the girl is beyond distance to comment on this. He is looking out for a girl to remarry, but is so cautious that he doesn’t trust any girl easily now.

Another of my cousin’s friend had a divorce because he was not interested in worldly affairs of the heart or body! Simply put, he married so his mom could have a daughter-in-law. He was into spiritual and religious activities and was not interested in a married life. The girl bore with this for a year and didn’t even let her parents know. But ultimately, when the boy couldn’t bear with the girl’s desires of the body and heart, he took a decision, a right decision I would say, to tell his parents about it. The girl’s parents are thinking of a remarriage for her, but at the back of their mind, there is always a doubt about their daughter’s future.

One of my first cousin’s marriage was broken before it even took place. After the engagement, my cousin was back to the US from India, as they were to be married after 3 months, on the request of the girl’s parents. They spoke on the phone, exchanged emails and worse, he knew a bachelor’s party too. It was then, in the course of their discussion, my cousin asked for her passport details so he could arrange a visa for her to come to the US after marriage. It was then that she told him the truth that she loves someone else and now her parents have agreed to it which they never did before. My uncle had sent out the invitation cards too and it was an embarrassment for everyone, and sad too, that the wedding didn’t take place.

I know a girl who got married, flew to the US and eloped with her boyfriend residing in the US. The boy was grief-stricken and embarrassed too. He was left trying to answer his parents’ and relatives and friends’ questions, while the girl was being wooed by her boyfriend. I also know a girl, who got married, came to the US and found out that the husband is already married to an American. He was a pervert to even think that he could live with both of them under the same roof and enjoy. But the girl ran back home to her parents. She is happy now though single, staying with her brother’s family. I know, we all must have watched movies with these plots, but believe me, I have seen them happening around me.

Why does a marriage break? There may be numerous reasons. But, the actual facts being that people don’t enquire enough about the other party before they get their girl married or fix their marriage. And the main glaring reason is also that parents don’t know much about their own children before they decide to get them married. The kids don’t feel close enough to the parents to tell them their secrets, because some parents are too strict to be friends with the kids. Who is to blame? Nobody? Or both?!!

Wake up papa and mamma; talk to your kid first, marriage comes later!
Wake up kiddos, talk to your parents first, before you walk out on them!

Profile photo of Anita Ayela Parents, Eat and Let Eat!

images (2)

Don’t blame the kids, blame the parents! I know, a lot of parents’ eyes would be glaring at this with anger or would have stopped reading this by now. But wait a moment! Read through this before you form any opinion. I was just talking about the eating habits of kids!

It is a very common complaint of parents all over the world that their kids don’t eat certain vegetables or any vegetables at all, varying from house to house and kid to kid! But if we delve deeper, we get to see that the parents of these kids don’t do justice to their vegetables too.

Let’s begin at the beginning….It is scientifically proven that what we eat during pregnancy, those tastes travel through the amniotic fluids to the baby in the womb. Babies develop taste buds while in there too. Doctors believe that if the moms who eat all varieties of vegetables and fruits during pregnancy, then these babies would later eat their fruits and vegetables without putting up a fight. The baby’s exposure to variety of food while in the womb would have less chances of the baby being a fussy eater later in life.

In most of our houses now, neither of the parents or either of the parents is a very bad eater of vegetables and fruits.  And so is the kid! No surprises here as to why it is so. Some parents don’t cook vegetables or dishes they themselves don’t like. Some parents are clever enough to understand the situation and try to steal in vegetables into the kid’s food that they themselves would have never even sighted upon when they were kids! If this is done very early in their childhood, like for month’s babies, then it would probably work. But not after the kid grows up enough to understand that he/she is being fed what his/her parents don’t like to eat. That’s a gone case then!

My friend is very possessive about her one and only son. She is at his beck and call always and cooks only what he likes. She cooks as if only the son’s favorites are edible on the entire planet. You guessed it right!-Her husband gets the same food almost every day as the kid’s glossary of vegetables and fruits is very limited to two or three for that matter! A day came when they had to hospitalize the kid for being anaemic due to lack of proper nutrients in the body. It is absolutely fine to pamper your only kid, but not at the cost of the kid’s health.

Leaving modesty aside, I must mention here that I am envied amongst my cousins and friends! Even my mother-in-law always has a good word for me regarding my kids’ eating habits! I have always liked all vegetables if cooked in the proper way, and fruits have always been my secret snacks. No wonder my kids eat all vegetables and fruits! Touchwood! If they don’t like some vegetable they sure let me know but they eat it anyways, because I never give them a choice! Not that I force them, but I just let them know the time and effort I put into cooking them! Viola, they clean their plates! Come on, that’s not being mean, but just being persuasive.

I remember when growing up, my mom used the same trick for us kids. We ate everything my mom cooked as we knew the love and effort she put in cooking for us. And of course, my dad was strict enough to support her efforts by saying that ‘what’s on your plate has to be eaten, no matter what’! You bet my parents are proud of me now when they see my kids following that!

When I stepped into my in-laws’ house, incidentally, I saw that at least this was one thing that is very common with my family’s values. They too never got a chance to say ‘no’ to any food on their plate. When I had kids, I was sure glad that both my husband and I had the same values as far as parenting goes!

Fruits and vegetables are in abundance in the US. There are a lot of varieties of vegetables here; in addition to the American vegetables, we get Mexican vegetables and Indian vegetables too. My house has seen broccoli, asparagus, zucchini, and tomatillos playing with the okras and bitter gourds. I try my best to cook each vegetable in hundred and one ways, and the kids usually take to at the least a couple of varieties. I have tried and learnt different cuisines and so Indian, Italian, Mexican, all foods co-exist in my kitchen. My father-in-law in good humor says that I should have done my PhD in cooking, not English. Yes, I love food, and my husband likes different cuisines, the result being that I learnt all kinds. And, of course, it goes without saying that I love cooking! This has helped me extensively in winning my kids’ palates.

Eat, and eat everything is the motto in my house! And you bet, it worked and it still works!!! Touchwood!

Profile photo of Anita Ayela A Helping Hand!

maid“Oh I have a daily maid too!” Shilpa said and she got a lot of ‘wows’ from her friends. This incident would sound odd for any Indian living in India. Maids are part and parcel of the any house, as simple as buying milk, buying vegetables; so you buy the services of a maid. But labor is very expensive in the US and so affording a daily maid is like affording five star hotel stay in India!!

I feel that working women find life easier in the US than in India. Why so? It’s not just the 50 times more money that they earn here than they would in India. It’s not just that for sure! The microwave to warm your food, the dish-washer to wash your dirty dishes without the scrubbing, the washer to do your laundry not hurting your smooth palms, the dryer drying your clothes without straining to hang them out, are also the culprits! The refrigerators are more powerful and so food stays fresh for a day or two more than it would in India. The four burners for cooking eases the time for cooking, and the oven keeps your cholesterol in check if you bake instead of deep-fry.

But then a maid is a maid and I miss a maid’s services almost every day. The laziness that comes with the dishes sitting in the sink rolls over to the clothes in the basket crying to be folded. Trying my best to keep the house clean makes me lethargic to the carpet cleaning. When in my most depressed moods , thanks to the gloomy weather of Seattle, I earnestly wish I had a helping hand even to cut my vegetables or empty the dish washer!

Of course, there are women like Shilpa who are able to afford maids even in the US. But then not everyone has a double income and mortgage free homes at such an early age. Living in the US is not always living in the US alone because most of us have responsibilities and liabilities back in India too and fulfilling those takes away half of their life!

Monotonous burdens are always there for almost everyone in their life but wish everyone had an extra ‘hand’ to share their burdens too!!