“The Best time for new beginnings is NOW !”

Welcome, 2023!

Who starts their first post of the year one month and a week later? Well, some do. Right? And, they have an excuse too! So do I! 😊

Well, I do have a genuine reason that I was travelling! I was busy between a wedding of a niece and the 1^st birthday of a nephew! And all this was in India! The beautiful India! By the way, I will talk about these two events, later, perhaps in another post… After coming back from India, my one month leave from work cost me my time, and I was on a rollercoaster of loads of work.

Well, whenever I go to India, I am amazed by the people, the crowds, the traffic, the vehicles, the shops, the different clothes, the different cultures and the variety of food. I go to India often, but I still feel amazed seeing India, every single time!  

I know, it might sound weird when I say that I am amazed by the crowds and traffic too. Let me explain. It is easy to drive on the wide roads, the half empty roads of a country like America. But, driving with so much of traffic, with so many vehicles, cars, buses, two wheelers, bikes, is surely an amazing feat. Whenever I was in a car, and we were in the traffic, I applauded the way everyone drove safe in spite of all the traffic around. No breaking rules either. I felt that Indians do have the patience to drive or commute from one place to another, more than any other country people.

The vast population has also not been a problem for any Indian staying in India. We don’t stop and think negative that there are so many people around and we don’t have space to breathe. No, we never do that. It has always been ok to stand in near proximity in lines, breathe into each other’s neck or face and no one judges you or thinks bad about you. We always know how to survive in India.

When I first came to the US, the first thing I noticed was the distance between people in a line, everywhere. In the stores, the malls, the amusement parks, the movie theatres, everywhere. A smile played on my lips when I saw that because I imagined all these people in the US transported to India. How would they survive? They wouldn’t be able to, for sure. It is possible in the US because the land is large, and the population is miniscule.

Any non-Indian, often wonders, how do so many people live harmoniously in India. They might not say it out loud, but sometimes, it is evident in their talk. Well, I don’t blame that they wonder!  India not only has a lot of languages, a lot of religions, but it also has a lot of cultures within each state. And the beauty of it that all of us live together, not only meeting and greeting each other but residing and living next to each other and that too, harmoniously! We celebrate each other’s festivals, we try to learn each other’s languages and above all, we try to imbibe each other’s culture into the other. Sounds dramatic! Yes, I know! But, it is not drama, it is life! Any Indian’s life! Well, strange but true, that Americans have different slangs and accents, in different states and surprisingly enough, they make fun of each other’s accent too.

When I say cultures, in the plural, I should also mention the different cuisines we have in India. People from other countries call it Indian cuisine. Agreed! But Indian cuisine consists of cuisines from so many states, so many districts, so many cities, so many towns, so many villages and so many different homes of people of India. The food of India is as vast as the population of India. We share food, we share recipes, we taste different varieties of food from each part of each state. Just like some people like to taste different cuisines from different countries, in the US, they should also understand and taste different cuisines that reign in different parts of India. They anyways do not have a set cuisine of the country and try to ‘Americanize’, for the lack of a better word, every cuisine from every country. Try us, too!

People say that we have so many religions in India and so we have differences. No, we don’t. It is the media and fanatics of religions who propaganda that. We all have friends of different religions back in India, in schools, in colleges or at workplaces. We never look down or scorn any person of other religion when we are with them. In fact, we share food, we take part in each other’s festivals, we learn each other’s cultures, and we attend marriages of each other, too. So, where is the feud the world is talking about? Where is the daily vengeance or hatred that the media sees?

I know that my blog is ‘Life in the USA’, but today, the Indian in me wants to tell people of the USA, the greatness of India, through my eyes, an Indian American’s eyes. And hence, this post, for people who are non-Indians, or third and fourth generation Indians who might not know about India’s greatness. Also, this is for those new generation young Indians, who are curious about India, in general.

I am sure we Indians, can teach the Europeans how to learn languages. I am sure we can teach America how to co-exist with different culture people, without segregating them in the name of color. I am sure, we can teach a lot of countries how to live in harmony, despite the differences. I am sure, we can teach the Britishers that English is spoken in India, in different dialects, I must say, not just as a language but as a skillset to outreach the world. And are we there yet? Almost there!!

Hope you have a great year ahead!

I know it was a long absence from writing. A full 12 months!

Life became too busy with a new job that my days got drained of my energy and my evenings made me equally busy with household chores.

A lot happened this year…

The year with covid…. did some good and some bad. Lost some dear ones , family members…. sadness filled life, a feeling that visiting India has become a rarity now also creeped in….

The arrival of vaccines brought a fresh breath of hope and a sigh of relief. Before we knew, received both doses and the booster too. Are we safe now? Only the doctors can tell. All we can do is believe them and have faith in our luck.

Work became hectic… from 5 day week, it turned into a 6 day week with increased hours . But the achievements, the encouragements at work, the appreciations galore soothed the aching eyes and the tired bones , day by day. Learnt a lot of life lessons working with faceless work friends, working for the unknown voices across the country, with a feeling of giving back to the society through the disaster loan sanctions. It also fulfilled my linguistic thirst of listening to different dialects and accents across US. It allowed me to realize the different accents of different country people ‘s English.

Life took a turn all of a sudden, on the personal front….

My younger daughter left home to her college leaving the walls of the house gapping at the emptiness. From prom to dorm, the journey continued as my heart came to a standstill once again. It happened once when my older one had gone to college in 2016. I try to keep my sanity intact and not get bogged with the empty nest syndrome. But, once in a while, I just walk into my daughters’ rooms and my eyes search around for know not what!

Our drives to and from Austin to drop or pick up my daughter, worked in a different dimension. My husband and I talked a lot and shared memories. The 3 and half hrs made us chirping away like long lost friends. It reminded us of our courting days.

It changed things at home too. Now , I worked full time from home , and my husband did too. He took up on himself to make the tea as a routine every evening. His experiments with his teas, adding a new flavor every day, made it interesting. I looked forward to the chai after my work every evening. Our lunch time, tea time and dinner times were special. We joked, talked ,and shared memories about kids.We ate anything and everything, had TV diners too.

Life is so predictable but yet so unexpected and different, year by year. Looking forward to another year of hectic work , another year of missing kids, missing going to India, hanging in the emptiness, yet finding me-time and a togetherness moving us into our mid age.

Leaving another year behind, bundling up the gathered memories, waking up into another year of hope, happiness and health.

All is well that ends well! Enjoyed the fireworks at Dallas downtown with family and welcomed the new year!

Good bye 2021! Welcome 2022!

Welcome to the new year 2021, a year of hope and happiness-the starting year of another decade! Before the end of this first month of this wonderful year to come, I had to post this!

Two things that 2020 taught us was that some quotes on the wall or in books are so true. Like, ‘Family is where life begins and love never ends’ and ‘Life is unpredictable’.

Well, if we are here in 2021, it just means that we have survived a bad year of the millennium- the virus year, I would say.  But however good or bad the year was for each of us, one thing everyone will agree throughout the world is that it was a totally different year!! Unanticipated, unprecedented, unusual, unexpected, too many ‘un’common things happened.

So was my life! Milestone birthdays, graduations, new beginnings, the family at home in front of my eyes, an awakening of my passion for cooking, And, above all, getting a different and new job- a federal one, was not something that I had fathomed… at least not in the pandemic.

Sometimes, when you sit idle for a long time, or remain in the four walls of your house for a long time, life becomes monotonous, a frustration creeps in. Surprisingly, the ‘sitting at home’ (of course, I mean quarantine, silly!) was a fresh breath of air for me! Driving to work, dashing out of the house to reach in time, coming home exhausted more from the traffic than the work, was a monotonous boredom that was slowly building up in me! I was slowly losing interest in my job because of the hectic life I was passing through. Of course, I tried my best to cheer myself up by listening to the radio while driving, trying different routes to get home to make it adventurous. But.

A new spark was lit in me when I sat back at leisure in the house! Spending time with my family, having ample time to experiment with cooking, watching, oh sorry, the right word is binging on TV series and movies, one after the other, day by day, was exhilarating. And, then when I landed a fed govt job, new enthusiasm flowed out.

And, in the pandemic quarantine, I was reminded of two instance that happened in my life. One was when I had Jaundice in my sophomore of undergrad and couldn’t go to college for almost a month and a half. I lived in my grandparents’ house back then and I was stuck in my room till I recovered. It was the most frustrated time for me…. my weakness, my sickness and boredom, all were interlinked. I missed classes, (back then, we didn’t have any online mode of communication with the teachers or friends.), missed friends, missed the ability to go outside.

The second incident I remembered was from my University days. It so happened that for a week, we had heavy rains and storms that year and for 4 days, we were stuck in our dorm rooms forever, or so it seemed. It was even difficult to go to the dining hall, wading in the ankle-deep water, trying to hold on to the umbrella…. The most difficult part was when the 3^rd day there was a power outage. But believe me, we enjoyed the darkness the most. We would gather in one of my friend’s room and in the candlelight play silly games, sing songs and listen to stories of each other’s childhood.

I am sure, everyone in the world will have stories to tell about the ‘disaster’ year,2020. Some interesting, some depressing, some rejuvenating and some sad. But a story for sure! Those stories might have an ending this year or may have a twist or turn to it this year! But, rest assured, it is going to be a year of hope!

A hope that the vaccine will eradicate the virus! A hope that people will value their lives. A hope that family will always come first! And a hope that the world will return to normal very soon! After all, life is a bouquet of hopes and wishes bundled with love!

“Behind every great daughter is a truly amazing father.”

I don’t know if I have been a great daughter or not, but I do have a truly amazing father!

Whenever I reminisce my childhood, I remember my dad in a lot of ways than one! His affectionate smile , his silly jokes, his anger when teaching me Math, (when I didn’t understand the fundamentals of the Math problems),our arguments ( we always had different views on a lot of topics in life), his love for the family, his confidence in me, and of course, through the journey, till this date, his encouragement in whatever I do.

I remember how he taught me to ride a bicycle, in the summer after my fourth grade. He would take me out with the cycle and hold it while I tried to balance. He not only taught me how to balance the bike, but he also taught me to have a balance in life. Like he did! Yes, he always knew how to balance between work and family, between my mom and his kids, between relatives and friends.

He wouldn’t think twice to give me permission to go biking to my friends’ house, even if I was all alone or even if their house was a little far away. He always knew that I could take care of myself and knew that he didn’t have to hover around to protect me. That confidence he had in me, made me a confident and brave person I am today.

He never differentiated between my brothers and me. He loves us equally and he has always provided everything equally for us. I never ever heard him say, “You are a girl, you can’t do this!”. Instead, he always encouraged me by saying, ” Why do you think that girls can do it?! I have faith in you, you can do it!”

At an age, when you don’t know what you want to become, he told me his dreams of making me an engineer. He wanted me to be the first girl engineer in my family! But I didn’t meet his expectations, couldn’t fulfill his dreams as I didn’t get through the engineering entrance. But he didn’t lose hope or discourage me ever. He just moved on without a hue and cry.

At one point of time, when I had finished my bachelor’s in science and was not happy with it, he asked me about my dreams, my aim in life. When I said my heart lay in English literature, he encouraged me to follow the path. After my Masters’ he was the one who made me realize that maybe Ph.D. in Literature would be a good idea. I always knew that I could blindly count on his ideas, as he knew me better than I did, perhaps!

Whenever he reads something I write, he says ” You should be utilizing your talent more!” Since the day he read some of the short stories I wrote, he has been after me to write novels and publish them. He thinks I am just a few steps away from the “The Booker Prize”. Booker prize or not, yes, someday, very soon, I am sure I will fulfill his dream of seeing me published!

He believed in me, he encourages me, and he made me grow up into a brave girl. I was not taught all these things; I saw him and followed his footsteps. I learnt how to be honest and brave like him. I learnt how to be nice to people around me and gain their respect and support. Be it in school, college or any place of work, I tried my best to be nice to everyone around me and earn their love and respect!

My dad was also the first person to believe in my decision, when I chose my life partner. Without any presumptions or prejudice, he was ready to meet the boy and talk to him. More than that person, he was confident on my choice! He knew that he could count on me, as he knew very well that I do take time to trust and like a person. I have always been grateful to my dad for believing in me and getting me married to the person I love!

Well, that brings me to the second father in my life that I love and adore-the father of my kids, my husband!! They say that all women end up with a version of their fathers. There could be some truth in this if not all!

He is a great father to my kids, and whenever I see him interacting with my daughters, I am reminded of how I interacted with my dad. The way he jokes, the way he gangs up with them to tease me…. his invariably pampering them with gifts and money, silently fearing what kind of man with sweep their feet off….. one word for everything-nostalgia! Just as my dad was a pillar of strength for me, my husband is that strength for our daughters!

There is a saying- “The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.”-Theodore Hesburgh

My husband does that and more. He loves me, inspires me, encourages me and entertains me with his stupid jokes too! He has always been supportive of my decisions and encouraging of my endeavors! He is not only a great father to my kids, but a great husband to the mom of his kids!!

Father’s Day celebrations may be over, but the love for my dad, and the love for the dad of my kids, will go on and on! I leave you all with these beautiful words I read somewhere-

“A father’s tears and fears are unseen, his love is unexpressed, but his care and protection remain as a pillar of strength throughout our lives.”

I know how it is outside in the world. The sadness in the news, the gloomy faces that you encounter in the grocery stores, all that on one side! But, on the other hand, the fun at home is immense and so satisfying for me at least.

It started with my birthday celebrations. I don’t remember when was the last time that I celebrated my birthday totally at home. My kids and husband surprised me by serving me three-course meals, cooked by them. I had yummy food to my heart’s content and was totally free the whole day. Since the cooking and cleaning too was taken care of, I just whiled away my time reading poems, and writing a short story. And to top it all, I got gifts too!

On Mothers’ day too I got a great day off. My husband made lunch for the mother of his kids. My kids made dinner and gave me a handmade painting as a gift too. I watched TV for as long as I could and then came over to write this. I even could leisurely talk to my mom in India for a long time.

It is indeed a time for me to linger in my passion a little longer… my passion for cooking! One day, during this quarantine, I just came up with the idea of cooking famous dishes from the states of India. And so, have been doing that since March. I know that it should have been done in 29 days, but then, I had to take breaks. I sometimes didn’t have ingredients and sometimes didn’t have the right recipes. So, taking breaks on and off, I have been traveling steadily, though slowly, through the states of India. It is fascinating to know the dishes, know why certain ingredients are used in certain states, and what makes that state famous for. It is very satisfying for me that I am learning new and complicated dishes from India. I confess that though I am from that country and have lived there for almost three decades of my life before coming to the US, I didn’t know half the cuisine of the country. But, it is better late than never….

With a lot of time on hand, I sometimes walk into my backyard garden and look at the plants. I joined a WhatsApp group of gardening tips and have been learning a lot about plants, bugs, and the maintenance of the plants. Though I don’t have a way to go out and buy more plants, at least, I feel nice to see the ones that are there, blooming. I have been trying to plant any and every seed to test my green thumb if not anything else.

The chatter, the banter, the loud voices, the arguments of the kids, the movies, the music, the songs…. It is getting additive. Now that the house is full of us, life seems so perfect. My older one was in the dorm for 4 years of her college and so we couldn’t see her that often. My younger one though with living us was busy with school, classes, orchestra classes, socials, her work. And of course, I went out to work and so I just had enough time to cook, clean, eat, repeat kind of scenario. I am sure, my husband, who has been working from home alone for years, finds it a change of scene with all of us at home along with him!

Perhaps, we have never watched so many movies together as a family to date. Unless, we go out to the theatre , of course. Now, most of the days, after dinner, all four of us land up in the media room and take turns in choosing movies and watching. We compete too as to who showed the best movie so far! It is fun to be like kids with the kids, isn’t it?

Quarantine has helped my family to bond well.. Since all are working or studying from home, we get to have lunches and dinners together. After their scheduled work, we get to play in their backyard or play board games in the house. We take turns and arrange picnics in the backyard over the weekends. I’m sure, despite all the inconvenience that the quarantine is causing, the bonding between families everywhere is surely improving.

Writing about summer after six months has past is surprising! I agree! But I can’t let go of 2019 without blogging about my trip to India in the summer.

After eight long years when I went to India this summer, I was very nostalgic. I felt that the kind of hustle bustle that is present in India is not really noisy; it is a real relaxation of life. You feel alive when you see so many people speaking the Indian languages and dressed up the same or similar way that you are. You tend to forget that people are strangers… they never look or behave like strangers, and so it is easy to start a conversation with anyone, anywhere. I am sure, the whites or the blacks in the US feel the same way when the birds of the same feather flock together.

A long-cherished dream was fulfilled in the summer- a visit to the Taj Mahal. It is sometimes very surprising to know that people of a country don’t get to see the monuments in their own country but see monuments and places of interest outside their motherland. Yes, this was my first visit to the Taj Mahal, one of the wonders of the world, though I was born and brought up in India. Somehow, never got a chance to go on a vacation to Delhi and Agra when we were growing up. Well, better late than never… Saw both the places now!

It was so overwhelming to see the Taj in its gigantic size and beautiful shape. It was beyond my imagination that it would be such a huge monument. Though I had read a lot about the Taj and saw a lot of pictures of it, it somehow was a totally new and profound experience seeing it live. And that too, when the first rays of sunlight fell on the white marble, it shone like the blushing of a bride. After all the photo sessions with the family and taking a tour of it…. Before we came out of that place…. I stood for a moment, took the Taj in my mind and memory, and with admiration reflected on how it might have been built and felt a sense of pride that I belonged to this country where this was built. It sure was a romantic experience in itself, walking with my husband thinking of ourselves as Shah Jahan and Mumtaz!! I sure would love to see it again in the future. Maybe, next time, I would get a chance to see its beauty on a full moon night… they say that it looks like heaven on earth!

This was almost the same kind of feeling I had when I first visited the Niagara Falls. I still sometimes feel that I can hear the sound of the falls. Yes, it sounds silly! But the kind of impact it had on me the first time I saw it, was unique. Or so I thought! But then, every time I visited Niagara after that with family, cousins or friends, I always was awed by its splendor. It’s like first love… always special! 😊

Delhi. The capital city of India. This city gave some good memories too as we walked the streets of old Delhi, or crossed the roads near the India Gate, a royal feeling prevailed. The roads that the Prime ministers move around on are the ones that we were on… Mahatma Gandhi’s memorial was tranquil as it was the quietest place in the fast-paced city. Each fort in Delhi had a different architecture, some reflecting the Mughals and some the Hindu kings. I never saw secularism in any place as I did in Delhi. I could say that about fashion and dressing too. You could see the burkha clad ladies, as well as short-skirted girls. Girls dressed in the latest salwar suits as well as ladies dressed in the old-fashioned Punjabi suits. Well, in the week that I spent there my perception was this… I felt that the people here were very lively and lived life to the fullest.

The hot scorching sun in Rajasthan burnt our skin but not our spirits. In fact, it brought out the color and grandeur in our dressing as we moved from one palace to the other. As we took in the majestic walls of the palaces, a sense of belongingness to the history of India made me sigh with relief that I made it, to see these historic places. Though we were not able to see all the places in Rajasthan, just Jaipur and Udaipur itself made us come back happy and satiated. And of course, the authentic Rajasthani food and the shopping for Indian clothes, added to our happiness, for sure.

Well, though not the same, but, when I first came to the US and went to Disneyland in California, I felt mesmerized to see the grandness and happiness that was spread everywhere. I know, we haven’t seen much of the historic monuments of the US, except for Statue of Liberty. Of course, since there were no kings or kingdoms in the US, and so, the grand Palaces are missing here. That reminds me of my visit to the UK some years back. That was another place that has majestic palaces in the middle of beautiful greenery, both in England and Scotland. A write-up for another day, in the next decade!

But, before I leave this writing, this year and this decade, well, I would love to know what you did last summer! Please do tell me in the comments below!

Welcome to another new year ,2019!

Until I watched an Indian movie “Bucket List“, I didn’t know about the ‘bucket list’! Nor did I ever think of one! Now, when I come to think of it, I feel that everyone in this world should have one! And, maybe, most of them do. Well, for some of you out there, who may or may not know what a bucket list is… it is a kind of list like, “Things to do before I die” or “Places to see before I get a job”, or better still… ” The books to read before I sleep forever”!

It may not be something very serious or rebellious; it could be something fun, something to make your life more exciting. Today’s generation kids sure relate to this and I am sure everyone has a lengthy bucket list. The good part is that most of them find the ways and means to fulfill them. Not just the American kids, but I have seen a lot of Indian kids in America fulfilling their bucket lists with the encouragement of your parents and/or friends.

I always think that this is just one life that we have, and hence we should make it a point to live life to the fullest! Fulfill career dreams, be useful to people around you in all ways possible, but do not leave behind any fun that can be had now and here! If all the people in the world thought like this, I am sure, the world would have been simpler to live!

But, that shouldn’t deter you from having fun in life, irrespective of all tensions and troubles shadowing you wherever you go. Take a little time out, jot down some of the fun things that you always felt like doing or haven’t had the time to do, or maybe didn’t have the courage to do. Make a list, revise it, eliminate things or add things… do this for a month! Ultimately, you will end up with a list of perhaps a dozen things that are close to your heart or things that is a must for your life to feel enhanced. And, find a way and time to do them! Viola! Your life is well lived now!

Sometimes, I ponder upon our prior generation people… our great-grandparents, our grandparents or even our parents. Did they have a bucket list? Did they ever feel like doing something or acquiring something, achieving something but didn’t have the financial support or the societal encouragement to fulfill them? They were so engrossed in their day-to-day life that they might not have given so much of a thought to even think of such things. They were extravagancies for them!

I am sure, in India, this concept was not known for sure. From what I observed in my grandparents’ house or in my own house as we were growing up, the concept of saving money for the future was of top priority. Going on holidays was an unattainable dream, perhaps! All they ever wanted was funds for their kids’ education, for their marriage and for themselves when they retire. So, the bucket list was not a thing at all! All they ever wanted was to live in dignity and not be burdened by loans or debts ever! Fair enough!

But, what about some desires and some unfulfilled dreams? Did they fulfill them ever? Or did they just disappear into oblivion? Or worst still, maybe they waited and waited so someday they could fulfill them but never got to them and sooner than later their life ended! That is sad to think of. Maybe not! It could also be that I am reacting unnecessarily!

As I have seen my grandparents or my parents, I have always seen them happy and contented! For all we know, their generation didn’t think about extracurricular things that we think of today. And hence, if they had a good job, a loving family living together, sumptuous food to eat, decent clothes to wear, good health, and respect in the society, they were more than happy. Well, doesn’t that look like a bucket list too? Yes, it does. And, it is also seen that what they couldn’t attain, they always wanted to be fulfilled by their kids. A person who wanted to play sports would send their kids into sports. Another who wanted to learn dance would encourage their kid to learn dance. And thus, they felt satisfied that their wishes are fulfilled by their kids.

Come to think of it, what is easily attainable today, was perhaps a bucket list for them then! And, for today’s generation, nothing is unattainable as long as it is affordable, and so, the shape, size, and form of bucket list has changed.

I have been thinking as I am writing… since I am in between these two generations… do I have a bucket list? Maybe I do. Maybe I don’t. Or maybe for me, it is not called a bucket list but just wishes which may or may not be fulfilled… Yes, I do want to publish a poems’ book or my short stories one day. I would love to learn painting or start some business some day…..

One thing I could say is that my generation had more ambitions than the previous generation and has more determination than the next and new generation to fulfill them! Isn’t that what matters, after all?!!

Happy International Woman’s Day!

On this International Women’s Day, I thought I should post this on this blog. I know, it might be cliche’d but very true that boys and girls should be brought up in the same way possible when they are kids. You should etch it deep into a little boy’s mind that his mother, his sister, his grandma or his little girlfriend, should all be treated with respect! If he doesn’t learn then,then he will never learn it! Be it India , USA or any other country, girls and women should always be treated right.

I remember, when I was living with my grandparents for a while, the maid servant used to live in the outhouse along with her husband and kids. The husband worked in a movie theatre and would come home late in the night totally drunk. And , in the morning, we used to see the maid with bruises on her hands and face, thanks to her drunken husband the night before. This went on for a little while until my grandfater who was a retired judge called the man and threatened him of handing him to the police. He didn’t call the police because the woman didn’t want her kids to see the father sent to jail. The threatens worked and that man became a sober person, and after that there were no such incidents.

When I was working in Pearson in Kent, WA, I used to take the train with a colleague regularly. We became friends and one day she shared her sad story. Her boyfriend abused her sexually every night. She said that her consent and interest were never taken into consideration, it was always his way! She still lived with him since she loved him so much and because he was a gem of a person when not in bed. He loved her, brought gifts for her, had a decent job, but had this impolite side to him too! Eventually, over a period of time, she threw him out of her life for good as she couldn’t take it anymore.

A lot of acid attacks in India and all over the world are gender biased and hence the victims are usually found to be female. I know of a café run by 5 women, ’Acid survivors’ as they call themselves in Agra, India.  “She wore provoking clothes but didn’t agree to my sexual advances”. The cheek of any boy or man to say that!!The attacker uses acid to retaliate against the girl’s refusal of sexual advances. How desperate can a man get?

And then, the very problem of molestation and rape of women from generations till date , on the streets, in the neighborhood, in the family, amongst friends, has been increasing all over the world. Girls feel unsafe to go out all alone in the dark. Girls feel unsafe to stay in friends and relatives’ house for long. When we went for the first time to the University before joining my daughter for her undergrad, the professor addresiing the parents talked about these things prevailing on some University campuses. It scared us, shocked us, and made us hesitate for a while to take a decision of putting her in a dorm. Of course, there are exceptions to all Universities and of course, there are precautions taken by the campus authorities to keep the students safe.

So,in today’s world, it is not the girls who need to be taught how to live life, it is the boys who need to be taught how to live life along with girls.

From ages the society has been teaching girls how to live life. Do this, do that, do this this way, do that that way, and we hear these things a lot of times.

‘Don’t walk alone in the night.’

‘Don’t go all alone; take your little brother with you’.

‘Be careful when you go there, there are a lot of boys in that area’.

I’m sure, every girl must have heard these words from their parents some time or the other. I know how frustrating it is when we hear the same things again and again through generations.

And now, since girls have been hearing these things from generations, we know the rules and don’t need to be told any more. But, it is the turn of the boys to learn some rules and for the parents of boys to set some rules:

• • If you have a son, tell him to respect woman, no matter who they are and where they come from. As boys’ brain develops later than girls, it is important that you teach him all this very early in life
  • Tell your son to not tease girls or call them names. One of the girls could be his sister or girlfriend
  • Be it a girl from the village, or a girl from an affluent family, a girl is a girl, teach him to give her respect
  • Instill in him to help a girl in need without expecting anything in return. Being human has to be learnt at home
  • Make sure he understands that a girl is not his property to be used. Give the respect due to her. His mom is a woman too
  • Tell him that a girl is just like him, educated and knowledgeable. Treat her as equal
  • Every girl stepping out of the house for a job is not ‘available’, make sure your son understands that
  • A girl going to a bar or coming back home late in the night, doesn’t get your son the license to misbehave with her
  • There is no boy job and girl job, encourage him to understand this and work as a team in life
  • Explain it to him that hitting a girl or physically abusing her is a crime; don’t rear a criminal at home
  • When he gets married, ask him to treat her as a human being and not force himself onto her
  • When he befriends a girl, tell him to be a good friend only, not expect any sexual favors from her. His sisters and cousins could have boys as friends too
  • Let him not boss over his sister or control her life just because she is a girl, she should have a life too
  • Educate him about how girls are physically different, show him videos if need be. Let not curiosity make him want to see a girl’s body
  • Supervise your son, his friends and their activities too. ‘Porn’ and ‘Drugs’ both are equally dangerous
  • Just because she is a girl, he doesn’t have a right to ogle at her. His sisters and cousins have similar bodies, and his friends could ogle at them too
  • A girl is not a toy to be touched, just because he likes her; consent is very important, tell him that
  • Dress is a matter of choice; tell him that every girl, including his sister and mother, has the right to wear what she wants. Short dresses or long necklines don’t mean that the girls are easily available
  • At any point of time, forcing himself onto a girl, known or unknown is always called ‘Rape’. Don’t encourage rapists, even if they are your sons!

Bring up a good human being, teach him to respect women and not misbehave with them ever. It is the need of the day to teach our sons to grow up to be the best- best friend, best son, best brother and a best husband! And for that, every parent need to teach them from a very young age the importance of ‘how to treat girls in life’.

Happy Women’s day!

Sometimes, when someone says or writes something, the writer in me wakes up with a start from a deep slumber of procrastination of regular blogging! I thought it would be appropriate to raise this topic today or forever remain silent!

I have been in the US, a little less than half my life, but one thing that I still can’t digest is the concept of ‘boyfriend’ and ‘girlfriend’, and that too of teenagers. I always thought whatever be the country, whatever be the culture, parents are all the same around the world, of the same brethren. But I have been proven wrong in this country.

After so many years of staying in this country, it is still a culture shock for me that parents here allow their kids to have girlfriends and boyfriends, who are not friends as the words indicate, but are dating each other. I am curious to know as to why the parents here are not scared to let their little kids get into the harsh real world of love, sex and broken hearts at such a young age.

When I read a mom’s post on Facebook that she was helping her kid pick out valentine gifts for her/his boyfriend/ girlfriend, my mind started thinking in several different ways. Why are parents in the US supportive of teenage dating concept? Why do Indian parents feel scared and protective of their teenage kids unlike parents here? And, I am sure, all teenager across the world face the same problems and challenges. The challenges may be different according to the gender, but challenges are there for sure!

I remember when I was teenager, my parents were ok with my classmates, boys, coming home for exchanging notes or for planning events. But I am sure, if I had given the slightest hint that I had a boyfriend, or I like someone, things would have been very different and bad too! And of course, since we had that fear of parents and the society too, we did not even think of dating or romancing at such a young age. It is not that falling in love is not prevalent in India, it is just that it is well understood that love leads to marriage and so everyone puts it behind them until they are of marriageable age.  Teenage love stories are a rarity, at least the percentage is very low! Of course, there are exceptions to everything everywhere and I am not denying that.

In India, even after all the modernizations and the vast growth in culture and conditions, it is still a taboo to have multiple partners in anyone’s span of life and hence casual sex is not encouraged at all. So, it is but natural that if a boy or girl confess love, it is understood that marriage is coming up. If that doesn’t happen, then it is called betrayal and the society looks down at their family. It might seem weird to people who are not from India, but then, we Indians feel that it is the sanctity of relationships that is carrying our culture forward.

Indians who are part of the US now since decades might have changed their norms and moves to gel with people here. Well, I don’t blame them for that, the English have left us a saying for every situation and here I would say “In Rome, do as the Romans do”.  Is that a good thing or a bad thing; I don’t want to get into that, that’s a personal choice. But for me, it has got nothing to do with culture, religion or country. It has only got to do with the simple fact that it is not necessary for teenagers to go through these unwanted emotions, these relationships of dating at such a young age. Why would I as a parent want my daughter or son to get or make someone pregnant or get diseases? Why would I want my kid to go through heart breaks to get a better person at any stage of their life? Trail and error is good inside the doors of scientific labs, not at hormonal doorways. Surely not if it effects the mind, heart and soul of a teenage girl or boy.

I am not saying that love is not good, but in teenage the dating boyfriends and girlfriends are not really in love… it is just infatuation which leads to physical attraction and then physical intimacy.

Is that right or wrong? Definitely not right if it doesn’t lead to a commitment which is impossible when in high school. So, why can’t we as parents, curb it when the bud is young and not allow our kids to have physical relationships? Well, how do we stop that? Stop the very concept of dating until they have reached the prime age of marriage. I agree that there may be high school sweethearts who wait till they grow up and eventually get married. That’s a different thing altogether, and then, these kinds of people have the patience to endure the wait and hence achieve their love.

My life has a love story too. I met him when I was about to join Masters and he was doing his, an age where you truly know what you want. We courted and then, eventually after five years we got married when we had a job too. Now, that is maturity enough where we had the perseverance to wait and achieve.

But for the teenagers, curiosities must be curbed, and hormones must be tamed! It might sound like old school, but trust me, it will do only good. Nothing can go any wrong than it is right now.

Hope this Valentine’s day, makes a girl or a boy cherish the loving and affectionate feelings of the heart and wait for that special person to become their Soul mate when they grow old enough!!!

Happy Valentine’s Day!